The Fall of My Discontent

I normally really look forward to fall and the coming of winter: I like the cold days, the changing of the leaves, and am always anxious for the first snow to come. Seems that I am inspired to create more in fall and winter also – I suppose because life in general slows down until the Christmas rush. This fall, however, has me feeling discontented, discouraged, and depressed – those dangerous “D” words. I know that it is all related to my knee replacement and the lack of progress on my therapy. By now (3 weeks out) I had hoped to be moving better and to have graduated from a walker to crutches, but instead I am going backwards. My knee is freezing up and tomorrow the surgeon will decide if it’s time to do a manipulation (under anesthesia, praise the gods) to tear out the scar tissue or if he wants me to continue to try therapy. In my heart I know I need the former and I am scared spitless over the whole ordeal. There is the source of my three Ds.

Today’s photo is of the piece I created for the Graham Gallery’s (http://www.graham-gallery.com) ”PO Box 617″ art competition in August. Each artist had to use the frame of an old Post Office box as the basis for their artwork. When I first saw the boxes I was instantly transported back to my college days as we used those same type of boxes in the dorm for our mail. And so “Wednesday Morning at the Dorm: Letters from Home” was born. My freshman year was both exhilirating and scary, and I depended on letters from home to help maintain my sanity. The best letters came from my older sister, who was married and had an infant daughter – an entirely different world than the one I was living in. She would add in some quarters for laundry, occasionally a little gift or two, and always managed to make me smile. That same sister has been my savior these last two weeks, hauling me to therapy and taking care of me while my husband is settling his  father into his winter home in Texas. Were it not for her, both this fall and that fall 32 years ago would have been unbearable for me.

I swore early on that this blog would not be centered on personal things, and so I apologize for breaking my own rules. I did, however, feel that an explanation was needed for my long absence, especially as posts will continue to be infrequent until I can get this phyiscal situation resolved. I have neither the physical stamina nor the emotional fortitude to be creative, so bear with me and let’s hope I can get back on track soon. Life is too short to be lived going backwards.